Monday, February 9, 2009

In-Exessive TV- Where rock music meets the idiot box

I was the Australian correspondent for the short-lived music magazine Verge. This was one of two published features.  


In-Exessive TV - Where rock music meets the idiot box
 
80’s rockers are facing extinction, but they’re not going out without a fight… and they have some friends who are willing to bat for them. The starving children of Africa were called upon to save the careers of the handful of ailing stars with Live 8 and now reality television has stepped up to reignite the remains of legendary Aussie band INXS.

For those of you that are too young to know why INXS need help, here is some classic rock history:

Led by enigmatic frontman Michael Hutchense, INXS became one the most successful rock bands of the 80’s and 90’s with a string of platinum albums and number one singles. Hutchense’s amazing presence and powerful vocals captured the attention of the rock world and elevated INXS to international stardom 

That’s was until he was found naked and dead in his hotel room by a Sydney maid in November of 1997. Many that knew him intimately including his partner at the time Paula Yates, believed that he died performing an elaborate and perilous sex act known medically as auto-erotic asphyxiation. The prudish coroner however convincingly ruled that he had committed suicide in a‘vodka - cocaine - prozac - jelly tots’ induced state. His unfortunate eviction from the big round household left his next of kins in a squabble over his estate and his band members in a dilemma over the future of the band. 

Hutchense had already become a legend of rock; the bizarre death merely confirmed his status. It probably would have been easier to replace Robert Mugabe’s cabinet but INXS were determined not to fold. A few vocalists have stepped into Michael’s shoes, including Terence Trent Derby, but none managed to reformulate the chemistry of the band.

So while U2’s support staff watched their frontman attempt to eradicate third world debt and Midnight Oil’s saw theirs win a seat in the Australian parliament, INXS’s back office could only ponder on ways to find a new vocalist. At a band meeting, held seven years ago guitarist Kirk Pengilly came up with the bold idea of holding a televised talent contest to find the band’s next lead singer. Their trust funds could only endure five more years of rock star bills before they decided to pitch the idea to reality TV ace Mark Burnett. 

Unremarkably the loyal fans of INXS saw the decision to serialize the quest to replace Hutchense as a sign that the band had sold out. INXS was quick to defend itself. According to INXS’s co-founder Tim Farriss, reality T.V. was the only way they could find a new lead singer to belt out their new material.

“What were we supposed to do? Put an ad in the paper?” was his response to critics that suggested the idea was commercially motivated. Most fans think a newspaper ad may have been a more dignified means. 

But foolish are those that doubt the ability of reality television to unearth supreme talent. Pop Idol has already demonstrated its outstanding contribution to music in the same way that Big Brother has added to our understanding of society. Rock Star: INXS as the show is titled has no doubt been customized to ensure that INXS find the perfect frontman... or woman to revive their rock n roll legacy.

To help, Rock Star: INXS has employed top music authorities to oversee the process. Dave Navarro, of Janes Addiction and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers offers expert analysis and Brooke Burke of “Wild On” offers breasts. 

Thirteen contestants – a healthy mix of both men and women battle it out each week performing songs from INXS, The Beatles, The Stones, and other classic rock acts. Their fate lies in the hands of the band and the fingers of thirteen year old girls with mobile handsets. Ultimately one rocker will conquer all and become the new lead singer of INXS.

The show is aired in The United Sates and, in a cross cultural show of goodwill to ensure Australia still has some ownership of its assets, is rebroadcast down under a few hours later. This allows the Australian public to assist in the selection process by being included in the voting. There’s even a token Australian contestant - Mig Ayesa, who was born in the Philippines and lives in London.

The show is aired in Australia on the Fox cable network. Tragically, a higher percentage of the public has a Betamax machine than a Foxtel box so hometown popularity is unlikely to influence this contest. 

The hopefuls have been housed at ‘The Rock Star Mansion”. Here the contestants will learn the social skills needed to become a rockstar. Decades of evidence suggest that the lead singer of a successful band must not only be socially incompatible with his band members but also with every other human being on the planet. A stint on a reality T.V. show should ensure that these qualities are ingrained into INXS’s new member.

Ratings for the early episodes have been what the industry would term ‘shithouse’, but that does not necessarily mean that the show has been a failure. INXS record sales are up significantly and while Hutchense’s current state of mortality has made him miss out on his cut of the T.V. revenue, his stream of royalty payments has received a healthy boost. It appears cremation may not be the only thing that’s preventing Michael from turning in his grave.

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