Rugby World Cup email campaign 3/7

Do or die

Another pulsating week of rugby action is behind us with the favourites flexing their muscles.

The Springboks smashed England, The Wallabies showed their mettle against the Welsh and ‘The Wolves’ of Portugal got torn apart by the All Blacks.

So on to Week Three and it's already ‘do or die’ for England and France.

The hosts must beat Ireland to avoid an early exit, while England need a victory over Samoa. In other key games, Australia face the skilful Fijians and New Zealand take on Scotland.

Since the comp began, Bang’s rugby correspondents have been swamped with questions about the game from its new band of rugby converts. The team took some time out between games to enlighten its readers.

Q. How did the game of rugby begin?

A. Neurotic high school mums and rugby widows can blame a young boy named William Webb Ellis. In 1836 he picked up the ball during a game of soccer and headed for the gates of his school at Rugby. The other boys had so much fun crash tackling the little thief that they invented a new sport.

Q. When was the first Rugby World Cup?

A. The first ever William Webb Ellis Rugby World Cup was held in 1987 in New Zealand.

Led by captain David Kirk (who now runs the Fairfax Media Empire), the hosts were victorious, but since then they’ve made a habit of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Our boys have won the World Cup twice - in 1991 under the captaincy of Nick Farr Jones and again in 1999 when the legendary John ‘nobody’ Eales (he has the nickname because ‘nobody’ is perfect) skippered them to victory.

spacer

Q. Why are the games held in the middle of the night?

A. This is unfortunate for rugger fanatics Down Under who have to burn the midnight oil or arise at sparrows fart to watch the games - but blame the curvature of the Earth, not French eccentricity.

Q. My mate is a rugby nut but he refuses to watch the World Cup. What’s up with that?

A. Believe it or not, there are two types of Rugby - Union and League. Even though there is little difference between them, Union fans would rather pluck their eyes out with a blunt fork than watch Rugby League, and League fans would rather pash their grannies than watch Union.

Q. Why does the New Zealand team dance around and pull faces before every game?

A. The team is performing it’s traditional Maori war dance - The Haka. For years the All Blacks have used the ritual to strike fear into its opponents through enactments of how much pain and suffering they intend to inflict. It has worked but don’t be too afraid - The Haka is actually a poem about sunshine and a hairy man.

Q. Do other teams have pre match rituals?

A. England has recently adopted the ritual of being dragged out of the changing rooms by their coach before the start of every game.

Q. My brother’s local club team is better than some of the teams in the World Cup. Can they play in a Rugby World Cup ?

A. No, only the national team chosen from the best talent in the land can take part. So unless your brother starts his own country or moves to England he’s not likely to play in a World Cup.

Q. Is Daniel Carter single?

A. The 24 year old New Zealand number 10, is dating a local hockey star. This was confirmed by Nicole from Bang who is stalking Mr Carter.

Q. Is there a caveman in the French team?

A. Yes. His name is Sebastian Chabal and he is as frightening as he looks. He’s also known as The Anaethetist because if he touches you, you’re out for the count.